good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
