Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
