We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
