Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
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