I'm really into asian looking animals
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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