He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
