you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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