don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
