If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
