just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
