so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
