My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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