we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You've changed since you got that strap on
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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