That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
