Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
