She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
