These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
