I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
