ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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