Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
