they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
