pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
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