After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
