Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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