Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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