we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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