im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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