I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
