Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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