Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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