its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
