I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
