Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
