remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Randomize
