Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
