I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
