I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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