just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
