dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
