I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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