I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
