All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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