Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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