So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
