i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
