My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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