Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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