im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
