She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
