wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
