I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.�
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
